A Day of Mixed Emotions

Today, I am on a quest - a hunt to find that very fine, thin line between mourning the loss of others and truly, fully enjoying the blessings that God has put in my life. I'm not sure if I'll find that spot, for I feel it is close to impossible to find.

Yesterday, my day started out on a high note. I had an end-of-the-year conference with Trinity's TAG (Talented and Gifted) teacher. This class is a small class, of only 10 first graders that are pulled out once a week. I was interested to hear how she had been doing in this class. Apparently, she's doing well. It was a blessing to hear that she's confident in her decisions, flexible to work with whoever she's with and a strong, but quiet leader. I came away very pleased to hear that she was/is excelling in this environment.

I came home to grab a bite to eat and then headed to the gym for a workout with my friend Cacee. It was hard, but good. No big news there. Then I arrived home, had lunch with the Kalyn and Xander, read a nap-time book and put them down for their nap. I had just under 2 hours before Trinity arrived home.

So, I hopped online to check facebook and email. At that point, I found out that a neighbor of a family in our Sunday school class had lost his battle with a brain tumor. This boy was 13 and passed away on Sunday (Mother's Day). How sad, how tragic. However, it wasn't totally unexpected, I thought. (Not that expecting it makes it any better.) Then I found out that one of the families in our preschool had lost their 18 month old son to a tragic, painful accident. I've known this family for a few years, but not closely. I've spoken to the mom a few times and would recognize a couple of the kids if I saw them. My heart completely broke. A brief moment has changed their life. Today is the 3 year anniversary of the passing of a former youth, the son of our music minster at church. Colby was a vibrant, amazing man on fire for God, who passed away at the tender age of 26. Even as I am writing all this, my eyes are tearing up with the pain for these families.

The rest of yesterday, I spent trying to enjoy the time I have been given with my children. We did have a wonderful time at the pool and treasuring these moments. However, I come back to where is the fine line? Where is that point of mourning, but not being consumed by the sadness and pain? I'm not sure if I can find it. I do know that I can crawl up in the perfect holy lap of my Father. He'll hold me. I take comfort in that.

"I have told you these things so that you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

John 16:33